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Astro Wines

The Drop’s Wine Horoscopes for March 2022

America undergoes its first Pluto return and things get wild

planet Pluto surrounded by wine bottles and astrological signs
Illustration by Pix

Disclaimer: Astrology is for entertainment purposes only. Unless you’re attempting to invade another country, in which case you’d better listen up.

For the first time, Pluto returns to the place it was when the Declaration of Independence was signed. This means things that were hidden are rising to the surface. Expect a long-buried treasure to be found some time between now and the end of the year. This is a good time to invest in a metal detector.

bottle of Aloxe-Corton Les Paulands 1er Cru Rouge 2019


Bad news this month, Aries — somebody significant in your life is going to want to do the “let’s talk about us” conversation. Worse still, there are a lot of loving and sentimental energies swirling around you. I know, right? Icky stuff. As an Aries, you don’t want to be swamped in feelings. You want to be off conquering the world. So what do you do? The easiest course of action is just to remember an appointment you simply can’t miss, and rush off the moment somebody opens up the conversation. Second — and hear me out — you could try being romantic and loving to your nearest and dearest, because this month it will pay enormous dividends. 

Beware, however. Aries are nothing if not honest and don’t recognize deception even when it’s right in front of them. If a stranger comes into your life and starts throwing romance around, be careful. It’s probably a Tinder Swindler type, because secrets and lies are all over your chart this month.

Aloxe-Corton Les Paulands 1er Cru Rouge 2019

Sometimes you can be open and loving just by plunking a wine on the table, and nothing does it better than the kind of Burgundy that shows you why people worship the place. Chantrêves is both a negociant and vigneron operation and Tomoko and Guillaume are making gorgeous stuff. Open up the pocketbook, get this 2019, decant and let breathe, then breathe deeply and let it do its magic. 

bottle of Marcel Deiss Alsace Le Colline Rouge


There are power moves going on around you at work. These could well be literal — do you work in a coal or nuclear power plant, by any chance? If so, good job. It looks like you’re on top of things.

Speaking of work, your career sector is taking off this month. Your specific path to success lies through networking, so go along to after-work drinks, or to that get-together, no matter how bored you think you’ll be. It looks like you’ll meet futuristic-thinking individuals who will inspire you to great things.

Finally, it looks like you’re secretly swooning over something. Either a person, or a cool new gadget. Ask the person out, or give yourself permission to order the thing. It won’t make you happy — gadgets never do — but it will be something cool to talk about at all those networking events.

Marcel Deiss Le Colline Alsace Rouge 2019

The Deiss family went on to inspire Alsace to great things, believing in the place more than the grapes, and so the domain does things like macerate Riesling and Pinot Gris together while saying the hell with mono-variety. And when you macerate the pink-skinned Pinot Gris with the fragrant white grape Riesling, you sometimes get a wine that’s not too dissimilar from Poulsard. It’s not a magic trick — it’s just delicious. 

bottle of Bodegas Cota 45 UBE Miraflores


Time to get packed, Gemini! It looks like you’re going overseas very soon, probably on a fact-finding mission of some kind. It looks as if sea travel or crossing oceans is involved.

Before you go, make sure you get all of your work done. It looks like, once again, you’ve taken on way too many obligations, and you’re at a breakdown point. There are only two possible ways out of this: either you paddle like a duck, and work round the clock until you’ve caught up, or you honestly tell people you can’t meet their expectations.

Your friends will also be making big demands of you. You’re going to have to learn to say no, which is deeply uncomfortable for you. But also incredibly useful. Practice saying it in front of the mirror.

Cota 45 UBE Miraflores 2020

There are some times when only the most saline of wines will do, to take you back to the sea. That’s especially true of one made right on the ocean, like Ramiro Ibanez’s Cota 45, an unfortified wine from Sanlúcar de Barrameda’s esteemed Miraflores pago. This wine forces you to contemplate, slow down, and grab a handful of olives and almonds while you sip and think about pulling back.

bottle of Thibault Ducroux, Beaujolais En Roue Libre 2020


What a month, Cancer! Everything is working your way, thanks to multiple planets passing through the sign of Pisces, your zodiacal soul mate. The planets are all sitting in your Tenth House of career, meaning you’re likely to enjoy prestige, fame, and/or career success in the near future. To take advantage of these energies, do something with the sea, solvents, or anesthetics. If you’ve ever thought about importing wine by sea, this is the time to do it. Champagne corks will be popping.

But please, resist the urge to do anything criminal. You have a number of planets occupying your Eighth House of other people’s money, so the urge to rob old ladies will be strong. Instead, stay at home and watch crime dramas. Anyway, good fortune may be coming your way without you having to take drastic action: Those of you who have a great-uncle Bob will find yourselves the beneficiary of his will, as inheritances are indicated.

Thibault Ducroux En Roue Libre Beaujolais Gamay 2020

Until you have Uncle Whoever’s money, you’ll have to drink well on less, and that’s where this cutie from Thibault Ducroux comes in. “En Roue Libre,” meaning freewheeling or cycling, is an invigorating Gamay. Put a little chill on it and get ready to enjoy something bigger and better. You might just have snagged the bargain of the month. 

bottle of La Araucaria Tinto


Well, this is annoying. It’s nose to the grindstone time this month, plus you’re surrounded by petty people insisting you do tedious, administrative things. Some of the nagging is in your own best interest — you do know that tax filing time is around the corner, don’t you? — while the rest of it is just irritating people being irritating. 

Shrug it all off because your energy is high and you need to direct all your energy into passion projects; you’ve got the Sun and Jupiter conspiring together in your Eighth House of passion. This could also mean an explosive love affair with someone.

It also means a resurrection of some kind. Maybe someone from the past, who was important to you at one time, will make an unexpected entrance into your life. Or it could mean you’re about to face down a horde of zombies. Whichever it is, shut the door. You need to concentrate on the here and now.

Dolores Cabrera Fernandez La Araucaria Tinto 2018

Making wine under El Teide, the tallest volcano in Europe, means you’re never far away from a blast that can change your life, from a volcano’s dark energy. That’s why you need to experience Dolores’ wine from her more than 100-year-old Listán Negro vines. The wine is so energetic and wise that it will make taking on a swarm of zombies seem completely doable. 

bottle of Ch. Peybonhomme-Les-Tours, L'Atypic de Peybonhomme


It looks like you’re surrounded by a bunch of unruly children this month. Are you a grade school teacher? If not, it sure feels like you are, because the people around you are acting childishly. Use your stern voice and get them into line.

Other options include launching a children’s television program or writing a bestselling children’s book, because your creativity is very high right now. Also, you have the energy and stamina required to follow projects through to completion, so nothing can stop you.

Except waterworks. That’s the downside to this month — there will be a lot of highly emotional friends, family, and other people wanting to cry on your broad shoulders. Why can’t people just run their lives in a tidy, shipshape manner like you do? It’s a mystery.

Château Peybonhomme-Les-Tours L’Atypic de Peybonhomme 2019

A sturdy wine, with plenty of structure in case your shoulders give out. From one of the earlier organic producers in Bordeaux, who now makes wine biodynamically. It’s a Loire-like blend of Cabernet Franc and Malbec, or, as it’s known in France, Côt, offering plenty of flesh and fruit. 

bottle of Bastian Wolber Laisse Tomber Monstreuse


Have you ever wanted to become a slum landlord? This month, it looks like you’ve got real estate on your mind. Just be careful, because problems with tenants are indicated, as are ongoing problems with energy and financing. Take particular note if you happen to be a bloodthirsty tyrant, because your land grabs — sorry, real estate deals — look to be beset with problems. 

You might want to work on succession issues instead, because you’re not getting any younger, and your kids are getting impatient. Also, learn to age gracefully, and lay off the botox.

For best results this month, go on holiday. The seaside looks nice.

Bastian Wolber Laisse Tomber Monstreuse 2019

Bastian Wolber knows something about real estate and succession. He is, after all, a German who moved to Burgundy where he has no succession and has such firm ideas that he is doing crazy stuff like bringing in German Pinot Noir grapes to make on Burgundy soil. The name of this magnificent, ethereal Mondeuse from the Savoie means “let it go.” 

bottle of Cara Sur - Moscatel Tinto Calingasta


A month for getting together with brothers, sisters, and people who are like siblings. But beware of conflict, because it looks like some of them are being stubborn right now, particularly when it comes to getting their own way. If you don’t watch it, fights and resentments may break out over issues as trivial as which restaurant to book, to freakouts over politics. But this isn’t the time to fall out with people over stupid issues. If people disappoint you, let it go. 

Just stay detached from the drama and coolly shepherd everybody toward your own preferred dining establishments. Another reason to stay calm is that great fortune is indicated in the realm of secrets. So order a glass of something nice, sit back, and just listen to all the chatter without passing judgment. You’re certain to hear something both delicious and profitable.

Cara Sur Calingasta Moscatel Tinto 2020

This Moscatel Tinto is the love child of two couples — four friends — who came together in 2011 to make wine from traditional Argentine varieties. This wine comes from a vineyard planted in 1950 on alluvial soils, 5,000 feet up in the Andes. A grape that is a cross between Listán Prieto, also known as Mission, and Moscatel de Alejandría, it is vinified with 30% whole cluster with 20 days of maceration on the skins. The effect is, whoa! It tastes like a summer full of hummingbirds, with just a whisper of sweetness and honey.

bottle of Gustavo Riffo 2018 Garnacha Vuelto E’Mano


This isn’t like you, Sagittarius. Instead of showing your bright, optimistic self, you look worried and it’s all to do with personal finance. If you’re an accountant or in finance, you’re going to be run off your feet dealing with financial dramas. Either all your clients are going to storm your office waving cash they want you to stash, or you’ll be doing your best to bail them from jail. Overseas money is heavily indicated.

In other news, it looks like you’ll be getting unexpectedly good news, and your professional relationships look strong and a source of security. On the home front, get your taps fixed or buy flood insurance — water overflows are indicated.

Gustavo Riffo "Lomas de Llahuen" Pais Pipeno

Dealing with the financial stresses of other people makes this the month to choose a value wine. This one from youngish vines in San Juan in Chile’s Bio Bio region will suit. There’s a rustic deliciousness here, plus a little tomato leaf, with an elegant leathery aspect. Give it a try.

bottle of Fabio Gea Dolcetto d'Alba Superiore Pino


Great fortune is yours for the taking, Capricorn. Your horoscope has been indicating for a while that it’s time to seize the moment and go and do the thing you say you want to do. There will never be a better time in your life than right now, this year. 

Not only do you have exceptionally good judgment, but you’re likely to attract powerful friends who can help you achieve your aims over the next year. What’s important is that you stay focused ― lots of people will be turning to you for advice about handling their relationships, whether that’s marriage or business partnerships. Don’t get caught up in the drama.

But do make sure you have a nice outfit in your wardrobe, ready to go, because chances are good that you’ll be invited to a royal event of some kind. Maybe a funeral, maybe a coronation, maybe both.

Fabio Gea Pino Dolcetto d'Alba Superiore

Is there anyone who does their own thing more than Fabio Gea? One of the very few who work organically in the Barbaresco area, he is a bit of a maverick genius who doesn’t listen to any rules but his own. Here the grapes are destemmed and given a three week maceration. He starts off the fermentation and aging in glass demijohns for nine months and then finishes up in his own porcelain vessels. A Dolcetto unlike any other.

bottle of Texier La Boutanche Rouge


Your brilliance is on show this month, Aquarius. Everybody can see how competent you are — but do they know that you’re fun and funny as well? Show that side of yourself and there is nobody who won’t turn into a friend and ally. Which is what you need right now, because you’re feeling somewhat on the outside looking in.

The reason is that there’s a massive planetary lineup in the heavens in Aquarius and its surrounding signs, putting huge pressure on you. You may feel that you have to execute everything perfectly, when in fact it’s more important to step back and simply be present. That way, the inspired thoughts for which your sign is renowned will come. You will look back on this as one of the most fruitful and creative periods of your life.

Texier La Boutanche Rouge 2020 1L

This is when you need a wine that can hit the spot without you having to think too hard about it. If it comes in a big bottle, that’s even better. Martin Texier’s La Boutanche hits the spot with a blend of Grenache and Syrah. 

bottle of Filipa Pato NV Bairrada Brut Rose


Stock up on tissues, Pisces, because this is going to be an emotional month. Not because anything bad is going to happen to you, but because you’ll be hearing endless sob stories from all the friends crowding into your life, looking for a couch to crash on. You’re so tenderhearted, you’ll be crying along with them. Pro tip: Declare yourself a hotel and have a credit card machine ready by the front door. Ka-ching! But don’t offer services like laundry and bed changing, because you’ve got better things to do. This is an extraordinary, once-in-a-lifetime month for love, inspiration, and relationships. 

Don’t linger at home — dress up and go out. You’re either going to meet the love of your life, or a patron who will organize a wildly successful exhibition of your work. Or maybe both.

Filipa Pato 3B Bairrada Brut Rosé Sparkling NV

With all of those people co-opting your couch, you’ll need a good wine that’s a crowd pleaser. Something pink and fizzy will be perfect. This one is a beauty. A blend of the berry-tasting red Baga with the high acid white grape Bica, you will want to stock some for the summer — the guests will still be coming. Especially when they hear you’ve got this chilling.